My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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