So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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