I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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