OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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