i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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