pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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