a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
