pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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