just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
