ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
