I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
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'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
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He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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