so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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