Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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