How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Randomize
