Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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