that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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