I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
