So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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