I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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