So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just invented taco cereal.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
