last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
