bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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