found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just invented taco cereal.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
wow bdsm is so cute
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
