I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
