i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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