dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
