Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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