he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Randomize
