I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
