So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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