I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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