And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
