there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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