If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
