your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
