You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You ruined the universe
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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