just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
