How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
