yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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