Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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