the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
