I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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