You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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