I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
