This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
