ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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