A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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