No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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