Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
