This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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