I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
