My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
