my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
