i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
