i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
