Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
