You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
