And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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