so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
