Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
