walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
