I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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