She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
