and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
