whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
