I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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