He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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