Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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