After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
