Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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