Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
