Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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