wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
