Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
