Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Mom said you looked used
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
