WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
