Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
