Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
