I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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