***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
