i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
